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I'm a little bit scared

at the moment; it’s all just a little bit out of control.

In the last few weeks I’ve actually started writing the novel, instead of just planning to write it. Even though I have just dumped 5k words or so that I didn’t like – I am now on 22k, and about to start writing Chapter 8.

But I’m not where I thought I’d be in the story.

I had it all planned out, this happens in Chapter 1, that will happen in Chapter 12, all the way up to Chapter 20. But I’m nowhere near close to writing the big scene I had planned for Chapter 5 – I’m now expecting it to come in at Chapter 9. Probably. Unless something else happens first.

It’s not just that I’m avoiding writing a difficult scene either. I know how that feels – having taken four pages in one story getting a character on to a bus. In the most recent draft of that story, I cut that down to three sentences.

I’ve melded two characters, and that’s working surprisingly well. Then a minor character has suddenly come forward and become much more important. My main character, my narrator, is developing a voice and a minor personality disorder.

And some of the time at least, I’m just writing down what I see the characters do. It doesn’t feel like I’m plotting any more, they just feel that little bit alive.

Weird.

I’m obsessing. We went to the greengrocers four times this week and I still forgot to buy tomatoes. That sounds like Ryan, not me ;)

I have this folder filling up of lots of documents, one for each chapter. (Go and do your backups now, stoopid)

Then there’s two extra files I’ve discovered I need. One for notes about what I need to go back and fix later. Restructuring, names I need to sort out, places where I already know I need to show and not tell. Places where I really out to cut some more.

Another for the ideas for the first draft ahead, that are just tumbling out of my head faster than I can write them down.In theory at least, that file should get shorter from time to time, as I delete the bits that make it into the current chapter.

Why am I scared? I just don’t know where it’s coming from.  It took me such a long time to start, and now it’s just flowing, and I don’t know why and how.  I tell myself not to overthink it – but that just wouldn’t be me ;)

On to chapter 8 then.

Although I might just take an evening off, and watch a film.

Ann

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